一个妈妈的帖子引起的思考

在文学城上看到一贴，引起了我的思考

这位妈妈说“ 老二女娃，在学校conduct一直没啥问题。今天在学校突然发飙了。老师电话里说是在楼道大叫，没人劝的住，被关principle office 让去领人。老公去了，和老师校长对
丫头一顿教育，还告诉她四年级对她申请想去的中学很重要，老实点儿给领回家了。

我回来好好问她为什么发飙。她告诉我：同桌没做昨天homework，早上上课在那赶，这
在以前三年级老师那儿是绝不允许的.so她告诉同桌不能这样，不听，所以她去告诉老
师了（真多事儿）。可老师告诉她＂He has finished now. We can do nothing about
it＂。较真儿丫头就急啦，和老师说这样不对，被老师请出教室罚站，于是发了飙。

我只好告诉她每个老师都有自己的规矩，管好自己就行，管别的同学是老师的事，在楼
道里大叫更不对。

可是我也觉得老师这样回答说 "We can do nothing about it"也不太合适。一个学校
规矩应该统一，如果三年级的规矩是对的，丫头坚持也是对的。该不该再跟老师谈谈呢?“

大部分的回帖是觉得小孩子多管闲事，要学会being flexible. 我却觉得本质问题还是主要是要学会情绪控制的问题。我的回帖是这样的：

我很能理解你的小孩。觉得这件事的教育重点并不是该不该管闲事，而是情绪控制的问题，因为孩子受到惩罚不是因为她跟老师指出她觉得不公平的地方，而是由于她lost emotion control，影响到了课堂的秩序。

小孩子对大人制定的规则，为什么同样情况下，有的小孩受到惩罚，有的没有，感到很困惑和不公平，她能够说出自己内心的想法，勇敢地提出来，我觉得是一个值得赞扬的地方（在这里，她说出来并没有错，只是需要一些技巧的问题）。我的老大（三年级）也是对老师父母有没有做到一碗水端平这件事上比较敏感，但是她碰到这种情况，对老师，她不敢抗议，只会默默地忍受，也许回来哭一下，但心理上就会跟老师产生隔阂，对妈妈，她就经常no fair挂在嘴上，有时会偷偷欺负一下弟弟来达到心理平衡。如果她敢对老师说出自己的想法，即使是怯怯地说，我都会要狠狠表扬一下她的。

现在要跟孩子说的是，在遭到拒绝或者是事情没有往自己希望的方向发展的时候，应该怎么处理。如果能做到控制不满情绪，采取事后跟老师沟通来解开自己的疑惑的方式，那还真是会让老师刮目相看呢。“

你们看呢？

3rd grader Reading list 书评： Like Pickle Juice on a cookie by Julie Sternberg

这本书是看了图书馆三年级的书单后借给今年上3年级的女儿看的。文字很简单。女儿在我们等弟弟踢足球的空档就看完了。

第二天我准备把书还了，就顺手翻了翻，结果一气看完了。看得我又哭又笑，写得真好啊。书用很简单的语言，以一个7，8岁小女孩的口述说了一个故事。故事讲女孩子在二年级末的暑假里遭遇了一件很devastating的事，陪伴她多年和她感情深厚的的保姆因家中有事要回老家了。女孩非常非常地想念保姆，很多平常好玩的事也再提不起兴趣了。最后，在家人和新来的保姆陪伴下，女孩渐渐地走出低落的情绪，快乐地迎接新的学年。

一个好的作家，就是能用这么平平常常的语言就能把你的心搅的七荤八素的，让你和她的主人公同欢笑同哭泣。这也是我特别欣赏的文字风格，不矫情，不做作，很真实地感人。

书是这样开头的：

I had a bad August.

A very bad August.

As bad as pickle juice on a cookie.

As bad as a spiderweb on your leg.

As bad as the black parts of a banana.

I hope your August was better.

I really do.

剩下的自己读吧。希望你们也喜欢！

Reading " The everything parent's guide to emotional intelligence in Children"

Ch7. Independence

Emma, 8 years old Independence goal:
1. Be able to take a bath herself.
2. Be able to comb her hair with simple pig tail
3. Be able to fix her own breakfast at weekend
4. Be able to fix her school homework without me asking.

Aiden, 5 years old Independence goal
1. Be able to wear his own clothes in the morning

Ch8. Assertiveness (opposite of passiveness)

Standing up for own
Once in a fall festival, Emma was in a long line waiting for balloonist to make animal balloons. After long waiting (at least 15mins), when it's almost her turn, a boy suddenly cut in front of her. I spotted from far away and I wondered what Emma was going to react. To my disappointment, she didn't do anything even though I was pretty sure she waited so long and she was hunger for the balloon, but she didn't have courage to stand up for herself to stop the boys.

Later, I used this as an example to teacher her the assertiveness.

No statements about personal wants or needs.
Standing up for other people
Emma went to Brook's birthday party at Sew Fun. The teacher there demonstrated how to use the sewing machine. All the kids clustered up around the teacher and Emma couldn't get close and just watching kid one by one to get their turn to try out the sewing machine and she was forgotten. Another example that she was not assertive to raise the attention so she could have her turn. Then, I still remembered that moment after a year, another girl in her class, Bianca, stood up for her, she raised her voice and said: Emma didn't get her turn yet. And that's the quality I want to develop in my own child.

Be able to say "no" to someone who is trying to take advantage of her.
Feel comfortable stating an opinion different than others.
Emma doesn't answer questions when she is not sure of her answer. She is afraid to be wrong.

Ch9. Interpersonal relationships

A list of skills you can help children learn that will increase their effectiveness with others.

How to start a conversation with someone he doesn't know.
How and when to move a conversation from a surface level to a more meaningful level.
How to compromise.
How to resolve conflict.
How to give and take.
How to build trust.
How to make an emotional bid

Ask her to make some friends in Taekwondo class.

Help invite her play date once a month. April: Meaghan. May: Maguax or Mellissa

Overcome shyness

CH10. Empathy



Ch 14. Empathy: willingness to listen and to understand the other person's perspective.
1. First requires someone to be able to take the other person's perspective. The basis of empathy is a cognitive skill.

2. Being able to understand the other's perspective well enough to allow it to affect your actions, opnions, beliefs, or feelings.

Without the ability to empathize, your child will end up very self-centered, considering issues only from her perspective.

Elementary years are the golden years to teach the child to be empathic.
1. First, pay attention to your environment as you and your child move through the day. It will force him to consider life from another person's point of view.

When taking her to make Sandwich, ask her what's the feeling to be hungry.
When sending the winter coat/books to the children in other elementary school, asked her what will you feel when you are so cold and no winter clothes.


2. A second opportunity for empathy comes with the experiences of friends.
3. A third opportunity for empathy development comes when your child is directly involved in a situation that requires her to be empathic.




Ch 15. Flexibility: wiliness and open to adapt the change.

Ask Emma to sleep in her own bed after 8 years old birthday. It's a big change to her life.

1. First night she sob and begged me to go back to Daddy's bed. Tell her the good things about sleeping alone: won't have to be disturbed by Daddy's TV, light, noises etc)
2. 2nd night she seems ok, she read 10 mins of Harry Potter book then fall asleep.
3. Praise her

Reading notes of Book " 7 Keys to Comprehension: How to help your kids read it and get it!"

by Susan Zimmermann and Chryse Hutchins

7 Keys:

1. Create mental images: Good readers create a wide range of visual, auditory, and other sensory images as they read, and they become emotionally involved with what they read.

"When I start reading, it's like turning on the TV. I pretend to put a movie on in my head."

"It's like you are in the book, but you're invisible and you're watching everything but the characters don't notice you.


2. Use background knowledge: Good readers use their relevant prior knowledge before, during and after reading to enhance their understanding of what they are reading.

Text to Self:  what you read reminds you of something from your own life.
Text to text: what you read reminds you of something else you have read or seen on tv or at the movies.
Text to world: What you read reminds you of something in the broader world.

3. Ask questions: Good readers generate questions before, during and after reading to clarify meaning, make predictions, and focus their attention on what's important.

4. Make Inferences: Good readers use their prior knowledge and information from what they read to make predictions, seek answers to questions, draw conclusions, and create interpretations that deepen their understanding of the text.

Reading between the lines.

Make predictions. From the cover of the book, ask your child to predict the story.

Figure out the unknown words by using clues, visual evidence, and their understanding of the story and by thinking about what would make sense. The clues to figuring out the mystery word are often in the picture and preceding sentences.

Playing the word games helps to develop the inferring skill. Asking 20 questions to figure out what word it is.

Figure out the big message.

An inference is when you take the important words and turn them into thoughts. They get trapped in your head, making you stop and think about ideas the author hasn´t quite told you.

5. Determine the most important ideas or themes: Good readers identify key ideas or themes as they read, and they can distinguish between important and unimportant information.

6. Synthesize information: Good readers track their thinking as it evolves during reading, to get the overall meaning.

7. Use "fix-up" strategies: Good readers are aware of when they understand and when they don't. If they have trouble understanding specific words, phrases, or longer passages, they use a wide range of problem-solving strategies including skipping ahead, rereading, asking questions, using a dictionary, and reading the passage aloud.