How Parents Teach Children Assertiveness Skills

1. Encouraging children to speak-up. Kids who speak-up for themselves and others begin to understand that assertiveness can create the change they desire. They also empower other kids to learn to speak-up for themselves.
2. Encouraging children to try new things. Assertive kids are not fearful of change. They enjoy trying something new or doing something different. They don’t fear failing or embarrassing themselves because they understand mistakes are learning opportunities. Parents of assertive kids have shown them how to embrace the unknown and rise above life challenges to embrace new opportunities.

       Encourage Emma to try new foods. She is usually willing to take it.

1. Instructing children to protect their boundaries. Assertive kids respect boundaries. They understand the importance of knocking before entering another person’s room or asking to borrow their sister’s paints taking them. They also expect others to respect their boundaries and set up consequences when their boundaries are invaded. For example, if their little brother keeps sneaking in their room to take their favorite stuffed animal the assertive kid will refuse to play with his little brother until he respects his boundaries.
2. Teaching children to say “NO”. Assertive kids understand that they have a right to say “NO”. They also respect another person’s “NO”. Parents’ role model this level of assertiveness in many different ways. One way a parent can teach a child to respect “no” is during play. Billy and Gage are playing in the living room. Molly, Billy’s mom is nearby observing their play. Molly hears Billy tell Gage to stop tickling him but Gage still continues to tickle Billy. Molly interrupts the play and teaches Gage that when someone says “no” or “stop it” he must respect their words. Kids who have parents that respect their “NO” feel what they say matters which helps them to feel safe and protected.
3. Encouraging children to use “I” statements. Assertive kids don’t blame others but instead speak from their own point of view. They will say, “I felt mad when you said that to me” or “I felt hurt when you refused to play with me at recess”. They don’t use many “You” statements and take responsibility for their own actions. They do not feel a need to make excuses for things that go wrong or blame others for their bad choices. Instead they own their own decisions and then look for solutions to the problem.
4. Coaching children on how to ask for help. A key component in assertiveness training is knowing when and how to ask for help or clarity. Assertive children don’t worry about looking “dumb”, “confused”, or being “misunderstood” so they ask for help when they are unsure of a situation. Assertive kids have been taught to focus on finding a solution to the problem instead of focusing on the problem.

       Ask Emma if she goes to the toilet and run out of paper.

       Aiden in the classroom, having trouble to open his water bottle.

1. Allowing children to change their minds. Assertive children understand that they have a right to change their minds and to not feel bad about doing so. Bobby and Chris went to an amusement park for Bobby’s birthday. Bobby really wanted to ride the big wooded roller coaster. Chris and Bobby stood in line for 30 minutes but when they reached the front of the line Chris changed his mind and decided he no longer wanted to ride the coaster. When Bobby started to call him “Chicken” Chris didn’t feel bad because he knew he had a right to change his mind.
2. Teaching children how to recognize potential danger. Assertive kids don’t often get bullied because they recognize the hurtful behavior and address it quickly. Assertive kids do however stand up to kids who bully others. Parents of assertive kids teach their children that all human beings have value and should be treated with kindness and respect.